Political Analysis by Homely Phrase

Barack Obama appears to have contracted foot-in-mouth disease from his running mate, Joe Biden. The Senator from Delaware is an accomplished podioralist, to the point that he can apparently spread his logorrhea by contact. While the world of political commentary is often graced with the employment of homely colloquialisms, Obama’s use of the “Lipstick on a pig” trope a few days back caused quite an uproar. Folksy and often regional metaphors like the one used by The One are enlightening and can be counted on to provide the occasional chuckle. They also retain the power of simplicity and are deeply rooted in the authenticity of daily life. Let’s look at the developing Presidential campaign through this homespun prism.
John McCain’s selection of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin is making Barack Obama look weaker than circus lemonade. The Democrat party doesn’t know how to deal with this strong conservative woman and the party bigwigs are shaking like a dog passing peach pits. Of course the Republicans believe Sarah Palin is finer than frog hair and stronger than a garlic milkshake. What would you expect? She’s cuter than a brand new puppy on Christmas morning and tougher than a two dollar steak. Quite a combination to confront when your own Presidential candidate has been letting his mouth overload his butt for the last 20 months. And Obama still hasn’t given us the straight scoop on how he spent 20 years listening to the Reverend Wright’s sermons without picking up some hatred for his country. Where I live they say that if you go the barber shop often enough, sooner or later you are going to get a haircut. The Ivy League educated Obama is viewed by many working folks as inexperienced and it’s been suggested that Barry couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the bottom.Now the Democrat vice presidential nominee, Joe Biden, has left Dems with their doubts too. Seems Senator Joe would rather climb a tree to tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth. Just a few months ago, Obama’s rhetorical flourishes had us all believing he was slicker than spit on a gold tooth, but now Sarah Palin has both halves of the Democrat ticket sweating like Mike Tyson and Dan Quayle at a spelling bee. For the longest time it seemed the partie a’ droit had all the luck, but now Obama must be thinking that if he won half a woman he would get the half that talks.Despite the fact that Senator McCain is getting on in years (when he went to speak at Arlington cemetery, two guys with shovels kept running after him!), the addition of Governor Palin to the ticket has given new energy to old Straight Talk hisself. His campaign retorts to the Obamessiah’s messages have been quicker than a hiccup and brighter than one of those new-fangled bulbs. If the Republican party can keep Democrat voter fraud down, especially in Chicago, it looks like the guys in white hats might just waltz back into the White House in 2009. Because you know, even an old, blind sow finds an ACORN now and then.