Madoff Working Ponzi Compassion Scheme?

Quick! Somebody get Kenny MacAskill on the phone! There’s another crisis of compassion brewing right here in the U.S. of A. Yes, another morally repugnant slug is working the compassion angle: would you believe it’s Bernie Madoff? Reporters in contact with snitches inside the federal facility housing the convicted High-Toned Grifter report that:
“Madoff, who is serving 150 years at a North Carolina federal lockup after pleading guilty to swindling more than $65 billion, has been telling fellow inmates he does not have much longer to live.
"He's been taking about 20 pills a day for his cancer," said one inmate.
"He talks about it all the time. He's not doing very well."
Word gets around fast, even in prison. Bernie probably knows what worked for Libya’s Lockerbie bomber. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8212207.stm
But what if the reports are true? If Compassionate Kenny doesn’t act fast, we might have “Weekend at Bernies IV” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098627/ filming at the Butner, North Carolina federal prison before long. I don’t think America’s compassionistas are ready for the site of Madoff, propped up between two fellow prisoners, being dragged to the mess hall and the exercise yard like a prison-clad side of beef.
While it was noted in the press that Madoff still had enough change lying around to hire a prison coach http://www.nypost.com/seven/07152009/news/nationalnews/prison_coach__madoff_will_be_fine_in_pri_179396.htm , we didn’t realize that Herb Hoelter was well versed in the Stanislavsky http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanislavski's_system system:
“Meanwhile, a bare-chested Bernie has been killing time at the prison participating in Native American religious purification ceremonies held at an on-grounds "sweat lodge,"
and
“is also making new friends at the prison complex through another unlikely clique -- the homosexual posse,”
despite the fact that
“various "gangs" at the prison are trying to recruit Bernie to their crews.” http://www.nypost.com/seven/08242009/news/nationalnews/bernie_dying_in_jail_186175.htm
Sounds like Sgt. Bilko http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1qyieyjEDc&feature=related
Goes to Jail” to this reporter. Why Bernie’s even got the other inmates cooking for him:

“Some prisoners are also bending over backward trying to satisfy his hearty appetite by regularly cooking sandwich wraps for him back at their cells.
"They're trying to kiss his butt," said one source. "

Wait a minute. Are cancer patients known for their hearty appetites? I know this runs the risk of seeming less than compassionate, but Bernie wouldn't try to full a fast one now, would he?