Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Earl Long's Advice to Crooked Pols

Don't write anything you can phone. Don't phone anything you can talk. Don't talk anything you can whisper. Don't whisper anything you can smile. Don't smile anything you can nod. Don't nod anything you can wink."
Earl Long, Louisiana Governor Huey Long's brother, on how to conduct graft and other forms of political deceit.

Fast Lane to Bailoutistan

General Motors, like the other two geezers of the Old Three, is a vast retirement home with a small loss-making auto subsidiary. The UAW is the AARP in an Edsel: It has three times as many retirees and widows as “workers” (I use the term loosely). GM has 96,000 employees but provides health benefits to a million people.
Mark Steyn, OC Register

To Camelot with P.J. O'Rourke

"...the Kennedys didn't have a tragic flaw. The Kennedy's were themselves a tragic flaw of ours. And...they accomplished lots. They changed the nature of electioneering forever with thespian talents and piles of cash."
P.J. O'Rourke Mordred had a Point--Camelot Revisited from Give War a Chance

Mark Twain-Travel Agent

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
Mark Twain

Decide to Read

"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them." - Mark Twain

Did Jesus have Walking Around Money?

Meanwhile, on the House floor last week, Democratic Rep. Steve Cohen of Tennessee compared Palin to Pontius Pilate -- and Obama to Jesus. Cohen said: "Barack Obama was a community organizer like Jesus, who our minister prayed about. Pontius Pilate was a governor." Yes, who can forget the Biblical account of how Jesus got the homeless Samaritan to register as a Democrat in exchange for a carton of smokes!
Ann Coulter

Barack the Unready

Back when I worked on our high school newspaper, it seemed that taking a typing course would facilitate my ability to communicate in print. That course proved to be one of the most valuable courses I undertook. What I remember most clearly from learning to develop speed and dexterity on those primitive typewriters was practicing the sentence: Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country. Apparently the phrase was selected to facilitate the development of reach and movement along the qwerty keyboard. Those words came to mind again this morning as I pondered how to best address the impossibly easy choice Americans face today in the Presidential election. Do we choose an admittedly imperfect and sometimes cantankerous battler with an almost genteel sense of honor; a man who has proven under the most challenging and intimidating conditions imaginable that he will do the right thing for his country? Or do we opt for the smooth talking, stylish newcomer, still untested in his career, in politics, or even in the examination of his background by a fawning, complicit media? For me and many like me, the choice to show up and vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin is an easy and urgent one. Ten centuries ago in 991, a leader ascended to the throne of Anglo-Saxon England. Ethelred (or Aethelred) was the son of Edgar the Peaceful, great grandson of Alfred the Great. Under Edgar, all of the various kingdoms of England were finally united under one ruler. But Edgar died young, leaving two pre-adolescent sons from different mothers, with both enlisting agents to engage in the subterfuge necessary to gain the throne. Although the forces behind Edward the Martyr were able to gain power for a brief period, the counselors for Ethelred were able to murder Edward and place Ethelred on the throne. At the time he was merely 10 years old, and thus, the title “The Unready” was advanced. The very late 10th century and early 11th century were a treacherous time for England, with the Vikings resuming their plundering raids on the northeast coastal villages of England, often advancing far into the interior. Foremost among these raiders or Jomvikings were Sweyn Forkbeard and Thorkell the Tall. Forkbeard won a decisive battle at Molden and the young Ethelred’s advisors convinced him to pay a ransom to the Danes of 10,000 pounds in order that they might leave England in peace. Of course, this proved to be unwise counsel, as the Danes began to make a habit of returning annually to pillage and leaving with a ransom, generally in the area of 10-25,000 pounds. It is important to remember that the alternative definition of Ethelred’s Old English nickname is folly or bad counsel. Eventually the Danes took the throne from Ethelred and a see-saw battle ensued between the nations until William the Conqueror roared across the channel and settled all of England’s hash for both the Danes and the Saxons. Our current world order is not dissimilar to that of millennial England. Our great nation has been a stalwart, standing alone against the onslaught of Islamic Terrorism and the resurgent creep of belligerent Communism. Most of the tribute we pay goes to the nations who would rather raid and pillage in America in petro-dollars. Fortunately there has been a steady hand at the head of our military, preventing the more rapacious intentions of our enemies from causing us more than financial harm. And now we have a candidate, much like Ethelred, who has the potential to gain power through various subterfuge and artifice. Certainly the efforts of Acorn and the Daley machine politics of disinformation, destruction of one’s enemy via the press, and the collaboration of a complicit media ready to go to any lengths to gain power for their chosen one amount to subterfuge, if not treason. While Obama is not a 10 year-old, his level of experience is nearly non-existent and what evidence we have of his capacity to undertake the protection and preservation of our great nation is woefully slim. Yes, he is truly Barack the Unready. And not in just the fact of his limited experience. For Barack may have been capable of overcoming his lack of experience. But like young Ethelred, Obama combines his youth and inexperience with both folly and bad counsel. What other words describe the positions and world-views of Jeremiah Wright, William Ayres, Rashid Khalidi, Tony Rezco, James Johnson and Father Pfleger? And these are just a few of the woeful counsel Obama has enlisted through-out his meteoric rise to the top of the Democrat party. It is frightening to consider that among all of those Barack Obama has enlisted or sought teaching from, there is not a single man or woman among them who could be considered a positive force for the benefit of America as we know it. From Saul Alinsky to Frank Johnson to the recent bandwagon jumper’s-on like Grace Jones and Erica Jong, Obama’s counsel is as un-American as his resume is empty. Surprisingly, the words of another Democrat, John F. Kennedy are most appropriate today. Do we vote for Obama and ask what our country will do for us? Or can we behave like grown-ups and ask what we can do for our great country? The greatest thing anyone proud to be an American can do at this perilous time, is to go out today and cast your vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin. They are ready, willing and able to continue pursuing the righteous path of American glory.

Obama and Nixon: Soulmates?

Originally published in The American Thinker, November 2, 2008

Obama's campaign and persona bear a striking resemblance to a recent Republican President: Richard Milhouse "Tricky Dick" Nixon.
There are a few minor differences among the remarkable similarities: while Nixon spent months trying to overcome the issue of an 18 & ½ minute blank spot in the middle of a tape recording of his activities in the Oval Office, Barack Obama has shrugged off an 18 & ½ year blank spot in the middle of his resume. Both were trained as lawyers and served as U.S. Senators.
Both rising young politicians resorted to a bit of unsportsmanlike conduct in the campaigns that jump-started their careers, with Nixon dumping Helen Gahagan Douglas while Obama jobbed State Senator Alice Palmer to shoehorn himself into the Daley Machine.
Once elected, possible signs of Nixonian megalomania became apparent and he is now credited with greatly enhancing the Imperial Presidency. At one point he proposed dressing White House guards in uniforms ridiculed as coming out of a comic opera, hastily dropping the plan. Nixon surrounded himself with a tight coterie of loyalists, whose allegiance was strictly to the President. These sycophants hastened the dissolution of the Nixon presidency with their secretiveness and dissembling. Tricky Dick even had elaborate "Palace Guard" uniforms designed for the White House Police that were eventually laughed off the scene.
Obama's regal sense of himself is redolent of Louis XVI, as he surrounds himself with Greek Columns and stages his speeches in front of huge suppliant crowds both here and in Europe. His campaign plane has a seat reading "President" on it. Tricky Barry's presumptuous almost-Presidential seal was likewise laughed off the campaign trail.
Both men have had their problems with plumbers. While Nixon's plommiers were in his employ, Obama's experience was more of a plumber ex machina, with America finally provided with an honest answer from the Great Dissembler extracted by a humble plumber, with Joe never having to wield his trusty pipe wrench.
The media mavens of the day were shocked to discover Nixon's "Enemies List." I suspect many of them were even more surprised to find their own names prominently displayed therein. John Dean was the recipient of the list compiled by John Erlichman & Co. and described it thusly:
"This memorandum addresses the matter of how we can maximize the fact of our incumbency in dealing with persons known to be active in their opposition to our Administration; stated a bit more bluntly-how we can use the available federal machinery to screw our political enemies."
Barack Obama hasn't bothered to wait until he is elected to start screwing his enemies. Joe the Plumber has been on the receiving end of a through examination of his marital, tax and employment history and who knows what else at the hands of Obama plumbers in the Ohio State Government. The latest additions to the Obama Enemies List are the members of the press from The New York Post, The Washington Times and The Dallas Morning News who were unceremoniously dumped from Obama's campaign plane. Fortunately, this was not done in mid-air, but it seems the fact of their parent papers endorsing John McCain for President may have had something to do with it. This follows a week of tough interviews for Blatherskite Joe Biden, Obama's VP nominee. Of course the stations who conducted the interview were cut off from future interviews and access to the Obama campaign.
Am I the only one who sees a pattern here? Nixon's penchant for secrecy was well known. Thus far, Obama has kept his medical records, his high school, college and post-graduate records, his job history, his publishing history, his birth certificate, the videos of his endorsements and praise for radicals, criminals and terrorists (Oh my!), his church attendance and just about every other facet of his life a secret from the American public.
We really haven't seen this dangerous combination of paranoia and megalomania since the fall of the House of Nixon. Can Tricky Barry's demise be far behind?

Obamarata

I have modestly revised Max Ehrmann’s poem, Desiderata (1927), as celebrated in the 60’s to suit The Supposedly Annointed One:

Go inconspicuously amid the press and public & remember what peace there may be in voting “present” repeatedly. As far as possible and without revealing your true thoughts, be on friendly terms, even with dictators and terrorists, for they need friends too. Speak your truth vacuously and emptily and listen to others especially those with cash contributions to make. Avoid working people and religious people as well, for they actually believe they have souls which can be vexed. If you compare yourself with others, you will be disappointed in their earth-boundedness for there are so many of them who are lesser than you. Try to make up some achievements to mix in with your vague and grandiose plans. Keep interested in your own career, and pretend to be humble, you never know when you will need to fall back on community organizing. Exercise caution in your daily affairs: you never want to get caught actually saying something meaningful. The Republicans are full of trickery, especially that wily Moose-hunting woman. Let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons in positions of journalistic achievement continue to strive to make you look good. You need their help-there are real heroes all around you in America. Be yourself. Check with David Axelrod to find exactly what that means this week. Especially do not feign commitment. Neither be cynical about the redistribution of wealth; for in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, the welfare class needs to remain bought. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth: your Muslim education, drug use, your terrorist pals and that bit of dabbling in black liberation theology. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in the event the American people find out who you really are. But do not distress yourself with imaginings: Keith Olbermann and Chris Mathews have your back. Many fears are born of faking sincerity, remember your Harvard legal training and keep a straight face. You are a child of Affirmative Action, no less than your education and your previous job opportunities, you have a right to be President. And whether or not it is clear to you, the Chicago political machine and the stacked deck of liberal American jurisprudence will assure that things unfold as they should. Therefore be at peace with what the bitter clingers call God, whatever you conceive him to be: fork-tailed Alinskyite or Kwanza Papa. And whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep a large wad of cash on hand in the event Americans won’t stay fooled. With all the glare of the spotlights and the support of the liberal intelligensia, you can still make America into the New Cuba. Be careful. The old Cuba was bankrupted by a charismatic socialist promising change.

Rikki Tikki Tavi-Mongoose is Gone

Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book, once a staple in the English-speaking educational curriculum, is probably no longer of interest to the politically correct shapers of our children. Kipling is too colonial, too male and too violent for the delicate sensitivities of children who are no longer allowed to play “tag” due to the possible psychological stigma associated with being “it.” But there are lessons indeed to be gleaned from the exciting and exotic moralistic tales found in the JB. One of my favorites is Rikki Tikki Tavi. In this harrowing tale, Kipling weaves the narrative of a young boy’s acquisition of a pet mongoose. He names the mongoose Rikki Tikki Tavi and the adventure revolves around the mongoose protecting the boy and his family from an evil pair of cobras. Rikki Tikki Tavi eventually destroys the snakes. Kipling’s fable was re-cast in song early in 1970 by the Scottish flower child/folksinger, Donovan Leitch, on his Open Road album. Donovan illuminates the story with a political twist:
Everybody who read the Jungle Book knows that Rikki tiki tavi’s a mongoose who kills snakes (Well) when I was a young man I was led to believe there were organizations to kill my snakes for me i.e. the church i.e. the government i.e. the school.

Is this not precisely the Barack Obama/Democrat solution to the nation’s problems? The Democrat response to any problem is a federal and institutional one, rather than an enterprising and private one. Dems choose to sick an army of mongeese, disguised as lawyers and bureaucrats, on our problems. Of course these are always hired federal mongeese. Our national infrastructure remains replete with telling examples of the havoc wrought by institutional mongeese, each with his little mongoose ax to grind. From the mortgage mess, to the energy debacle, to the pitiful state of our educational system and the enfeeblement of our diplomat corps: government by mongoose comes a cropper every time. Note, however, that the song alludes to the singer’s youth being a time of reliance upon the organizations serving as his protectors:
(But when I got a little older) I learned I had to kill (the snakes) myself…. United Nations ain’t really unitedAnd the organizations ain’t really organized Rikki tiki tavi mongoose is goneWon’t be coming around to kill your snakes no more my love…
Ah, here we have the mature, adult realization of the necessity of self-reliance. In political terms, this is the free-market solution to problems. And it is also the conservative approach to public dilemma. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were simply government mongeese developed to kill what Democrats decided were housing snakes for us. In painful hindsight, we now recognize that individual banks need to make their own decisions on what amount of risk to take in the mortgage process. Concommitantly, the solution for those who would like to become homeowner’s is to work to develop their personal finances and credit to be able to qualify for the standards set by the free market. I find it rather surprising that a hippie case like Donovan Leitch could actually be the proponent of individual and institutional maturity in public matters. He concludes the song with an apt description of the fuzzy middle of the 2008 electorate:
People walk around they don’t know what they’re doing They bin lost so long they don’t know what they’ve been looking forWell, I know what I’m looking for but I just can’t find itI guess I gotta look inside of myself some more. Right on Donovan! We certainly need not look to some institutional mongoose to kill our snakes for us. Electing Obama to redistribute our incomes won't work any more than will handing over the management of our economy to Congress or delegating our national security interests to the United Nations. Let's look inside ourselves and our businesses to find the solutions we need to move our resilient economy forward. Rikki Tikki Tavi mongoose is gone

Joe Biden Channels Archie Bunker

Victor Davis Hanson, in an article titled "The Incredible Lightness of Being," sums up the Democrat VP nominee's persona:
"Biden may be arrogant and vain, but he has an odd charm as everyman's nightmare, when we root for him not to say something embarassing, know that when his eyes start spinning he willl and can't stop--and know that we will end up either not taking it too seriously or feeling bad for him that he did."
While the tension and anger dividing liberals and conservaties is palpable, Senator Plugs doesn't generate the negative energy from the right that the San Fran Grand Nan, John Francois Kerry, or the Baby Daddy from North Caroliina does. Biden is oddly likeable despite his inept job managing the Senate Judiciary Committee, his uncharitability, and his UberGore blathering on leftist talking points.After reading Hanson's analysis the reason for Biden's begrudged acceptability becomes clear: Biden is the 21st century embodiment of Archie Bunker. Carroll O'Connor's masterful and long-running role as the bigoted patriarch of a lower middle class family from Queens dominated the television airwaves from 1971-1983. Biden is a member of the same, salt-of-the-earth generation as Archie, described by Tom Brokaw as The Greatest Generation. Men and women of this era grew up in a simpler and more difficult time. Their foibles seem more easily pardonnable to us due to the sacrifices they made, ultimately for our generation and those to follow. Although Biden tries to toe the policitally correct Democrat party line, he, like Archie Bunker, was raised and educated before multiculturalism and white guilt slipped into the American cultural landscape. Also like Bunker, Biden is too simple and straight-forward to don the politically correct mask required by his party in public. So borderline racist and sexist comments, even about his running mate or Sarah Palin merely elicit a sighing shrug from the American populace. Just like Archie, we understand that Joe is just being Joe, and that he will never really amount to anything that might cause us any harm. Nobody really takes Biden seriously. We never felt any genuine malice from Archie Bunker and we treated him as a harmless anachronism, a product of the environment in which he was raised.
This was never Bunker producer Norman Lear's intent. Lear hated what Archie Bunker represented and he was shocked by the genuine public affection for him. Likewise, one would expect Joe Biden to revulse conservatives and independents. Many of us have had fathers, uncles or grandfathers like Archie and Joe. Not in the 'crazy uncle in the attic" variety, as Senator Obama tried to pass off the genuinely malicious, hate-filled diatribes of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright upon us. But rather, misguided, simple men whose often comical, reactionary responses didn't jibe with the warm hearts beneath their clumsy crustiness. Not surprisingly, Archie Bunker is usually rated the No. 1 television character of all time in surveys, a testament to our ability to see past the surface.
So what does the nomination of Joe "Archie Bunker" Biden say about the Obama campaign and what affect will Biden have upon the election? At the height of Archie's popularity in the 70's, there was a groundswell of political activity surrounding the character. Archie actually came out in support of "Richard E. Nixon" and threatened his son-in-law, Meathead, with the ascension of Ronald Reagan. There was even an "Archie Bunker for President" movement. Bunker fans comprised a significant section of the Silent Majority courted by Nixon. This same demographic in 2008, described by Obama as bitter clingers, seems unlikely to fall for the Democrat Bunker doppellganger. Rather than a calculated move by the Obama campaign to attract the Bunker vote, the selection of Biden seems to be rather one of weakness, meant to shore up Obama's flimsy foreign policy experience. Senator Joe's potential appeal to the working class is merely a serendipitous and unintended consequence.
The Democrats are clearly confident that they have the Meathead vote sewn up, but the chances of slicing into the Bunker demographic remains highly unlikely. So while Biden's persona may be marginally acceptable to blue collar workers, Catholics and independents, his party's support for abortion, gay-rights and surrender will nix any real connection with the God and Guns voters. Unless a desperate Obama campaign decides to pull an Eagleton and dump Uncle Senator Joe from the ticket, we can enjoy the continued slapstick certain to exude from Biden's Bunkerism.

Political Analysis by Homely Phrase

Barack Obama appears to have contracted foot-in-mouth disease from his running mate, Joe Biden. The Senator from Delaware is an accomplished podioralist, to the point that he can apparently spread his logorrhea by contact. While the world of political commentary is often graced with the employment of homely colloquialisms, Obama’s use of the “Lipstick on a pig” trope a few days back caused quite an uproar. Folksy and often regional metaphors like the one used by The One are enlightening and can be counted on to provide the occasional chuckle. They also retain the power of simplicity and are deeply rooted in the authenticity of daily life. Let’s look at the developing Presidential campaign through this homespun prism.
John McCain’s selection of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin is making Barack Obama look weaker than circus lemonade. The Democrat party doesn’t know how to deal with this strong conservative woman and the party bigwigs are shaking like a dog passing peach pits. Of course the Republicans believe Sarah Palin is finer than frog hair and stronger than a garlic milkshake. What would you expect? She’s cuter than a brand new puppy on Christmas morning and tougher than a two dollar steak. Quite a combination to confront when your own Presidential candidate has been letting his mouth overload his butt for the last 20 months. And Obama still hasn’t given us the straight scoop on how he spent 20 years listening to the Reverend Wright’s sermons without picking up some hatred for his country. Where I live they say that if you go the barber shop often enough, sooner or later you are going to get a haircut. The Ivy League educated Obama is viewed by many working folks as inexperienced and it’s been suggested that Barry couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the bottom.Now the Democrat vice presidential nominee, Joe Biden, has left Dems with their doubts too. Seems Senator Joe would rather climb a tree to tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth. Just a few months ago, Obama’s rhetorical flourishes had us all believing he was slicker than spit on a gold tooth, but now Sarah Palin has both halves of the Democrat ticket sweating like Mike Tyson and Dan Quayle at a spelling bee. For the longest time it seemed the partie a’ droit had all the luck, but now Obama must be thinking that if he won half a woman he would get the half that talks.Despite the fact that Senator McCain is getting on in years (when he went to speak at Arlington cemetery, two guys with shovels kept running after him!), the addition of Governor Palin to the ticket has given new energy to old Straight Talk hisself. His campaign retorts to the Obamessiah’s messages have been quicker than a hiccup and brighter than one of those new-fangled bulbs. If the Republican party can keep Democrat voter fraud down, especially in Chicago, it looks like the guys in white hats might just waltz back into the White House in 2009. Because you know, even an old, blind sow finds an ACORN now and then.

Democrats Play "Let's Pretend!"

Somebody alert the Guiness Book of Records: Over four days in Denver the Democrat party is engaging in the world’s largest ever game of Let’s Pretend. While the motley assemblage of nutroots attempts to “Re-create ’68,” the conventioneers are working on reenacting 1980 when Jimmy Carter successfully concealed his incompetence and Marxian megalomania long enough to sneak in for a term in the White House.
Together with their allies in the Downstream Media (formerly known as the Mainstream Media but they are so far downstream they are nearly over the falls!), the Dems pretend that this is truly The Age of Aquarius and all is love and harmony:
“The moon is in the 7th House And Jupiter aligns with MarsThen peace will guide the planetsAnd love will steer the stars.” Or Hope and Change anyway. Hillary and Bill pretend to support Obama. Michelle and Barack pretend they don’t want to stick knitting needles in the eyes of the Clintons. Joe Biden is busy pretending to write a speech, but is probably just cutting and pasting from some Dixie Chicks song. Evan Bayh is pretending to muster sufficient courage to feign umbrage over losing the Veep slot.
Nancy Pelosi is pretending to be Pope so hard that we may be in danger of a new Schism. Hotel clerks are pretending they can run their businesses more greenly, but they end up handing out tacky souvenirs instead. Howard Dean is pretending to have a clue.Everyone in Denver is pretending John Edwards doesn’t exist. And all the conventioneers are pretending not to drink or to hanker for a cheeseburger.The platform committee is pretending that the word abortion doesn’t exist. And that we can’t drill our way to cheaper gas prices, but we can negotiate our way to security with the likes of Mahmoud “Members Only” Ahmedinajad. Just take a look at his jackets.The Pantsuits brigade is pretending that Hillary is still in the running. Bill Richardson is pretending to go undercover with that goofy beard. Harry Reid is pretending to be happy about the whole thing and is working full time on developing a smile.In the spirit of comity, let’s go along with this spirit of play. We conservatives will pretend that Barack Obama is a qualified candidate for the office of POTUS. Let’s continue to pretend that the Democrats have a huge advantage this election cycle. And let’s pretend along with the Downstream Media that Obama is the favorite and can win this thing. Right up until Election Day just like in 2000 & 2004.

Latest Mug Shot Fashion Statements

It’s early in the 2009 season, but it seems that a grass roots fashion trend has emerged. Check the booking photos provided on The Smoking Gun here (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1105082obamahair1.html), and here(http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1217081mugyear20.html). Scores of young fans of the world’s most famous Abe Lincoln Impersonator have been using their mug shots as an opportunity to continue to promote their political affiliation. I don’t remember a flurry of “Nixon’s the One” police blotter photos or seeing “I Like Ike” plastered across perp chests. Perhaps this is the Change we were looking for?

Bush Transition-Not with a Whimper....

While George W. Bush, at least by all outward appearances, has done what he thought was best for America without concern for his personal legacy, the winding down of his second term provides a unique opportunity for a few signature moves. My modest proposal, developed with some laudable and hilarious input from the common wisdom circulating on the internet, is that President Bush resign as soon as possible. Making Dick Cheney POTUS, would be a master stroke, as the Vice President has served loyally and ably, perhaps the best V.P. of the last century. Concomitantly, Mr. Bush can nominate Condoleeza Rice for the Vice Presidency. While the tinfoil hat brigade would howl and the Daily Kos would likely go apoplectic, Mr. Cheney has a superb sense of humor and the hide of a rhinocerous: no danger of liberal barbs taking Cheney’s eye off the ball. President Cheney could then proceed to issue the well-deserved pardons to Scooter Libby, Ramos and Compean and any other suitable candidates. The relative merits of the pardons would probably go unnoticed in the firestorm of combustible newsprint emanating from the nation’s media regarding the opportunity provided to now President Cheney. Nobly and deferentially, Cheney can proceed to resign himself. In the face of liberal wrath, Dick Cheney can depart the Presidency with honor, thereby elevating Condoleeza Rice to serve as our first African American President. Point, set, match.

Statue of Larceny-A Look at Bail-out America

Plans were announced yesterday for the resumption of the WPA, or Works Progress Administration, the Depression-era agency developed by FDR to create jobs for the waves of unemployed workers suffering through the financial doldrums stretching from 1935-1943. Secretary of the Treasury, Henry Paulson announced that construction would begin on a new tourist attraction to be developed for display in New York Harbor across from Frederic Auguste Bartholdi’s Statue of Liberty. Bartholdi’s magnificent work of art was believed to rival the ancient Colossus of Rhodes and was built on an iron frame designed by Gustave Eiffel who later created the eponymous tower in Paris. This new program is dedicated to the federal government’s decision to embrace European socialism and replace the concept of American Exceptionalism with the promotion and subsidization of failing industries. The new focus will be on providing support primarily for those companies and industries that have clearly demonstrated that they are incapable of succeeding in the free market. Work will begin on the “Statue of Larceny” with the onset of the Obama administration on January 21, 2009. Whereas Miss Liberty holds a torch to, as Bartholdi saw it, “Enlighten the World,” this new statue will be modeled after Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. The statue will hold a figure said to represent Adam Smith, burning in effigy. To compliment Liberty’s shining and inspirational sonnet written by Emma Lazarus, the new statue will feature a plaque with these lines:
Release, once great land, your honest merchants, Send instead your myopic mismanagers Wanting something free.Those to whom a balance sheet is Mere scratch paper yetStill desirous of Bonuses in 7 figuresAnd parachutes of platinum and more. The wretched refuse of Standard & Poor, Send these, the senseless, bereft of wisdom,For them I lift my lamp beside the Golden Door.
Mayor Bloomberg of New York City announced plans to charge a toll to the ferry boats expected to bring tourists to the new attraction and asked that the manufacturers of plastic bags, oils containing trans-fats, and the tobacco industry be prevented from enjoying the new subsidies provided by the new Federal programs in the event that his policies succeed in destroying their profitability. This was done in the form of an amendment to Bloomberg’s request for $400 billion in federal funds for the once Big Apple. Paulson had no comment on Bloomberg’s request.

Looking for Positivity

The sun still came up this morning on a considerably bluer Indiana. The continued erosion of the once-proud tradition of Hoosier conservatism tumbled further down into the Bayh/Lugar/Carson left-handed rabbithole. Yet in the face all of the aridity and disillusionment, the one true conservative on the card demonstrated the popular appeal provided by the application of conservative principles. Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels crushed his liberal opponent under the weight of effective deeds and gained another four years at our helm. It will undoubtedly be an interesting four years. Let’s hope that Joe “Gaffe-a-Minute” Biden will be allowed to hold theatre of the absurd press conferences. And perhaps Michelle Obama won’t be quite so reticent. I look for the Israelis to settle the Middle East hash in hurry-up fashion before Mr. Khalidi’s pal takes over on January 21. American Jews might have the luxury of voting to be politically correct, but Israelis are cold-eyed realists and surely they recognize that the level of support provided by an Obama administration will be minimal and at best far less than that provided by the Bush administration. Look for the Iranian nuclear situation to be brought to a thrilling conclusion yet this year. Hamas and Hezbollah will get a visceral and pointed response to any flare-ups they might initiate. Looks like the Palestinians picked a bad time to start digging kidnapping tunnels. And just to top it off, expect Obama’s hand-maidens in the failing antique media to call in their quid pro quo for facilitating his election: nothing less than a Paulsonesque bail-out of their struggling industry will be requested. While the New York Times can’t possibly survive in the current marketplace by providing value to its readers, surely Pinch and his ilk will ask to be kept afloat by those now in the position to be governmental benefactors. At least we won’t have Al Franken to kick around any more.

Steal this Vote-Buy this Election!

Excuse the mixed metaphors, but in case you haven’t noticed, the forked-tongue media has its two minute offense in place and its full-court-press time. While Obama does his best Nero impression, fiddling with the details of his Election Day victory party, Joe Biden burns the Democrat party’s bridges in front of them. Flat screens across the land offer unfortunate close-ups of self-satisfied journalists cramping up from patting themselves on the back. Lefty’s across the land are offering a hand to those still attempting to jump on the Obama bandwagon, foolishly believing their own propaganda prettied-up to look like press releases. “Here you go, Chris Buckley.” Watch your step, General Powell.” When I last checked, the New York Times/MSNBC poll had Obama leading by 97% in the battleground states and the blue states were planning on skipping the election entirely and replacing it with a voice vote: (Call 1-800-Pinch, press 1 for English, 2 for Cuban, 3 for Venezuelan and 4 for an autographed photo of Michael Moore doing the Cossack dance with Sean Penn.) Keith Olbermann just reported that McCain was seen working on his concession speech and Entertainment Tonight suggests that Sarah Palin is calling Michelle Obama seeking parenting and fashion tips. Nancy Pelosi, using morse code, sent out a message in a series of blinks confirming with 100% certainty that Obama will win. Chuck Schumer took a break from causing bank collapses to lament the fact that due to the drop in oil prices he can resume using 30 weight oil to slick down his hair. He cited plate tectonics to describe the shift in voter preferences to the left as though it were not imaginary and created from whole cloth by the media and entertainment industries. And Jack Murtha took a break from the buffet long enough to reprimand his racist constituents again. Its one thing to insult your opponents, but insulting your own potential voter base is a task best reserved for the lofty rhetorical skills of Barack Obama (see: bitter clingers.) I, for one, am old enough to remember those magnificent Victory parties in 1988 and 2004 when the Barney-Francophiles poured chowder and Boston beans over themselves in celebration of the Dukakis and Kerry victories. They actually believe all that socialist fol-de-rol in Kennedyland and they believe the last sputtering gasps of the drive-by media too. And who can forget the Gorian soiree’s down in Nashville in 2000 and 2004? Oops, I’m sorry, I guess Al Gore didn’t even carry his home state, did he? Yet still the Left believes their self-generated press clippings. Just like Charlie Brown continually attempting to kick the football held by Lucy, the Democrats never really realize that it will be snatched away from them at the last minute. In the 2008 metaphor, the Democrats remain Charlie Brown and their valet media plays the part of Lucy. Only at the last minute will the victory be snatched away because only the fact of an actual vote count will force the media to report these truths:
1.) Even $2 Billion dollars in campaign contributions (many of them foreign and illegal) won’t buy the Presidency from the American people. Yet the Democrats think they have it bought.2.) No amount of misreported, inflated, carefully cooked, hack polls will prevent Main Street Americans from showing up on election day and making their votes count. We are like one great big state of Missouri out in here red-state America-we are the “Show Me” country. Yet the Democrats think they have us fooled.3.) Despite a massive, full-time, year- round, organized voter fraud effort by the Democrats and specifically the Obama campaign via Acorn won’t generate enough Chicago-style votes to steal this election. Yet the Democrats think they have it stolen.4.) While the American public hasn’t been able to access much information about Obama’s radical past or his incredibly poor choice of friends and associates, we do know when we are being talked down to, stabbed in the back or being subjected to a dog and pony show. Yet the Democrats think they are better than us. I guess it boils down to a televison sitcom metaphor. Barack Obama is Oliver Wendell Douglas, an Ivy League educated lawyer who has come down to get a taste of living in Hooterville. Oliver’s prominent but useless educational background and lack of common sense leave him constantly out-smarted by the locals, especially Mr. Haney. Obama is as out of place in Main Street America as Oliver was in Hooterville. But let’s give The Messiah credit,at least he could probably figure how to register Arnold Ziffel (an actual hog) to vote.

Charlie Rangel-CSI Harlem

The Chairman of the powerful House Ways and Means committee has hired a forensic accountant to help untangle the web of artifice the Congressman has submitted for the past 10 years in lieu of legitimate tax returns. It seems Mr. Rangel will need a forensic property manager to help him sort out his rent-controlled apartments from what he thought was a tax-free condo rental down in the Carribean. Just last Friday Mr. Rangel wrote a check from his forsensic bank account for $10,800 to cover some "oversights" on his tax returns. Continuing a tradition well established by previous Ways & Means Chairmen, the current occupant of the Adam Clayton Powell chair of Creative Congressional Accounting, Charlie has little hope of pleading ignorance of the tax code, as the committee he chairs writes and interprets that code.
The tarp is removed from Charlie Rangel's unlicensed, unregistered, illegally parked Mercedes. The sergeant-at-arms for the House has called on a forensic tow-truck to cart off Rangel's vehicular baggage. Therefore it is expected that Congressman Rangel will hire a forensic psychologist to help determine whether an insanity plea is possible concerning these tax matters. The psychologist expects to use testimony from Vice President Dick Cheney in 2005: "Charlie's (comments) were so out of line... Charlie is losing it, I guess. "
Random video clips from just about any interview with the Congressman from Harlem will serve just as well. Whether waxing eloquent about Mississippi when attempting to re-direct Congressional earmarks to New York, describing Sarah Palin as "disabled," or offering to set up a forensic Selective Service System to re-institute the draft, Congressman Rangel clearly does appear to be crazier than a rat in a coffee can.
All this came up after the Suzerain of Ways and Means thought he had cleared up all that mess about illegal use of Congressional letterhead to solicit donations. Mr. Rangel promptly hired a forsenic stationer to produce new letterhead on the right side of the Congressional code of honor. Although the bar for that code was set lower than a limbo contest bar, still Congressman Rangel couldn't or perhaps wouldn't abide.
Perhaps the office assigned to the Chairman of the storied Ways and Means committee should be investigated by a forensic fumigator. There must be something in that office affecting the sensibility of those assigned it. The men who have been selected to serve in this powerful position seem to wander off into the giggleweeds once the power of the office goes to their pretty little heads. Democrat Dan Rostenkowski was a fine Chairmen until he got thrown in jail for stealing stamps. Prior to the mighty Rostenkowski, Democrat Wilbur Mills got enamored of an Argentinian stripper, and flushed his long and storied career down the loo.
And now Chairmen Charlie is going all forensic on us. A master of procedural obsfucation and a hero to his Harlem constituents, he is certain to be re-elected to the seat he actually won from Adam Clayton Powell no matter what crimes he commits. Rangel's response to all the legal fol-de-rol will be defense by Delays and Means.
An interested public awaits the results of all the investigative activity dogging Congressman Rangel. So far, no word over whether the New York Times has recalled from Alaska a couple of forensic journalists to get to the bottom of Rangel's persuasive evasion.

Idiot Compassion

The term "bleeding-heart liberal" has been bandied about for years, in an effort to illustrate the faux or at least hyperbolic sense of compassion attributed to those on the left. The lefties in America and Europe would like to be known as those who care, unless you happen to be a Bible-following Christian, a conservative or a fetus.The information age has facilitated the dissemination of all things cultural, spiritual and intellectual. One of the most important developments in the West has been the study and practice of Eastern religions and "ways." Zen Buddhism, for instance, is thought of by those who practice it, as a way rather than a religion. These religions and ways, particularly Buddhism, are thought of as the fonts of compassion. Buddhists are thought to be unwilling to harm even a mosquito. Hence the occasional story about a temple over-run with rats or monkeys because the attendant monks are unwilling to harm these creatures. They believe that the rodents or simians have as much right to their sacred spaces as any other being.
The most intriguing and brilliant analyst of the world history of spiritual practice and the melding of East and West today is undoubtedly Ken Wilber. Wilber`s insight into Buddhism in general and compassion in particular is unmatched in the West. ( Read A Brief History of Everything, for instance.) In One Taste, Wilber responds to a student's question about compassion with an illuminating view:
"[Most] confusion... in spiritual circles ....comes from confusing compassion with idiot compassion." This term was first used by Chogyam Trungpa, a Tibetan Rinpoche who helped bring Buddhism to the West in the 70`s. Wilber continues:
"Idiot compassion" thinks it is being kind, but it's really being cruel. If you have an alcoholic friend and you know that one more drink might kill him, and yet he begs you for a drink, does real compassion say that you should give it to him? After all, to be kind you should give him what he wants, right? Giving him the drink would therefore show compassion, yes? No. Absolutely not.
"Real compassion includes wisdom and so it makes judgments of care and concern; it says some things are good, and some things are bad, and I will choose to act only on those things that are informed by wisdom and care."Of course, here Wilber illuminates the missing ingredient in liberal "compassion." The world, viewed through the liberal's gray colored, politically-correct glasses, makes no discerning judgments, or at least incorrect ones. Hence, we get addle-brained protesters picketing to save the lives of serial killers on death row or human shields willing to give up their lives to protect suicide bomber cults and Islamic terrorists. Since all killing is bad, it must be bad to kill Islamic terrorists or convicted murderers. This idiot view, foregoes the greater good and lapses into solipsism.The biographies of the Buddha reveal that in one of his early incarnations, he met a murderer of 1000's of men. Acting correctly and with compassion for all sentient beings, the Buddha's incarnation killed the murderer to prevent additional suffering. That is true compassion!The "compassionate" left would rather have us believe that the detainees at Guantanamo, the murderers and rapists in our prisons, the violent Palestinians and other Islamo-fascists are the rightful and primary objects of our care and concern.
Idiot compassion invents Miranda rights to protect criminals from prosecution rather than allowing police powers to protect innocent citizens.
Idiot compassion is so concerned with the rights of terrorists that it sabotages legitimate Patriot Act procedures designed to protect Americans from murderous organizations.
Idiot compassion is so fearful that one innocent man might be imprisoned that it helps enact laws that insure freedom to thousands of certainly guilty ones, by disallowing evidence obtained against them.
Idiot compassion is so deeply concerned with the feelings and freedom of young women, that it goes to great lengths to insure that these young women are allowed to destroy their unborn children, rather than endure the hardship of responsibility for their sexual conduct.It's time we revealed this sham pretension of compassion for what it is: a reckless disregard for reason and judgment, disguised in the touchy-feely cover of political correctness. When you spot liberals pretending compassion under the guise of idiot compassion, out them! True compassion offers help even for the idiots!

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"[Most] confusion... in spiritual circles ....comes from confusing compassion with idiot compassion." This term was first used by Chogyam Trungpa, a Tibetan Rinpoche who helped bring Buddhism to the West in the 70`s. Wilber continues:
"Idiot compassion" thinks it is being kind, but it's really being cruel. If you have an alcoholic friend and you know that one more drink might kill him, and yet he begs you for a drink, does real compassion say that you should give it to him? After all, to be kind you should give him what he wants, right? Giving him the drink would therefore show compassion, yes? No. Absolutely not.
"Real compassion includes wisdom and so it makes judgments of care and concern; it says some things are good, and some things are bad, and I will choose to act only on those things that are informed by wisdom and care."Of course, here Wilber illuminates the missing ingredient in liberal "compassion." The world, viewed through the liberal's gray colored, politically-correct glasses, makes no discerning judgments, or at least incorrect ones. Hence, we get addle-brained protesters picketing to save the lives of serial killers on death row or human shields willing to give up their lives to protect suicide bomber cults and Islamic terrorists. Since all killing is bad, it must be bad to kill Islamic terrorists or convicted murderers. This idiot view, foregoes the greater good and lapses into solipsism.The biographies of the Buddha reveal that in one of his early incarnations, he met a murderer of 1000's of men. Acting correctly and with compassion for all sentient beings, the Buddha's incarnation killed the murderer to prevent additional suffering. That is true compassion!The "compassionate" left would rather have us believe that the detainees at Guantanamo, the murderers and rapists in our prisons, the violent Palestinians and other Islamo-fascists are the rightful and primary objects of our care and concern.
Idiot compassion invents Miranda rights to protect criminals from prosecution rather than allowing police powers to protect innocent citizens.
Idiot compassion is so concerned with the rights of terrorists that it sabotages legitimate Patriot Act procedures designed to protect Americans from murderous organizations.
Idiot compassion is so fearful that one innocent man might be imprisoned that it helps enact laws that insure freedom to thousands of certainly guilty ones, by disallowing evidence obtained against them.
Idiot compassion is so deeply concerned with the feelings and freedom of young women, that it goes to great lengths to insure that these young women are allowed to destroy their unborn children, rather than endure the hardship of responsibility for their sexual conduct.
It's time we revealed this sham pretension of compassion for what it is: a reckless disregard for reason and judgment, disguised in the touchy-feely cover of political correctness. When you spot liberals pretending compassion under the guise of idiot compassion, out them! True compassion offers help even for the idiots!Ralph Alter is a real estate broker and student of Buddhism from Carmel, Indiana.
This article was originally published in The American Thinker on June 6, 2007

The Suburban League

Out here in the hinterlands, or what is often described in the antique media as flyover country, men and women are newly energized by the vice presidential candidacy of Governor Sarah Palin. The term flyover country suggests a region to be overlooked or disregarded. This is precisely the approach taken by the solons of the New York/Washington power grid since about 1964.
Families in small towns and suburbs across our great nation have taken our lumps for several decades now as we continued to live our lives attempting to trudge the happy road of American destiny. We have put up with the liberal idiocy of school bussing, affirmative action and the elevation of the homosexual class to a protected one. We have suffered the indignation of our leaders turning a blind eye to a diluting wave of illegal immigrants bent on getting in on Lefty’s scam. All the while, Flyover Fred and his handsome wife Fern and their 2.5 kids have been accommodating. We have shrugged our shoulders as each new entitlement program provided new layers of benefits and opportunities for those we were willing to believe had been subject to discrimination or had been afforded less than equal treatment under the law. It didn’t matter to us that this supposed mistreatment had happened scores of years ago and was not something we, or anyone we were associated with, had initiated. Fair’s fair, we believed and we still believe in the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.Unthinkingly, and acting upon our faith in our fellow man and his willingness to follow that Golden Rule as well, we turned our schools and our media over to those expressing the compassion they claimed to feel for the underprivileged and downtrodden. For surely this was the right thing to do, being Christian and all.
For the flyover country and the hinterlands are peopled largely by fellow Christians and here we find kindness and understanding to be the general practice if not the rule. Little did we know that those leftists espousing compassion had a hidden agenda that runs diametrically opposite to the Golden Rule. And little did we realize that the agencies we allowed to develop would begin to actively seek the undermining of all that we believed in. For the compassionate left wasn’t satisfied with creating equal opportunities in America for those having a lesser lot in life. The agenda of the New American Left set its sites precisely upon destroying the institutions that were the foundation of our way of life. Those institutions included, but were not limited to: the Family, the Christian Church, the American Armed Forces and the American Free Enterprise system of laissez-faire capitalism.Mr. and Mrs. Flyover have been like Gulliver, lulled to sleep by the efforts of our journey, only to awaken and find ourselves tied down by an army of mean-spirited and sometimes comical miscreants. At every turn we now find an ACLU; a corrupted judicial system where the rights of the criminal exceed the rights of society, or a bloated bureaucracy filled with New Lilliputian Leftists wasting our tax dollars supporting programs and foreign governments with interests that are polar opposites to our own.For 40 years we have piped down. We have given the New Left and its client base every opportunity to modify our legal system and our society into that shining City on the Hill: where the rights imbued to us in the Declaration of Independence are realized and our great nation could erupt in an explosion of joy at the full realization of the American Dream.But the pendulum has swung fully to the zenith of its leftward arc. The fresh and lovely face of the Alaskan governor, along with her candor and her shared belief in the American values we have always held dear has sent the Leftist Lilliputians scurrying down the arm of the pendulum in a desperate attempt to keep the motion moving leftward. It is a vain and useless attempt. The American sleeping giant has awoken and is ready to regain its rightful place in determining the direction our great nation will pursue. We will no longer abandon the protection of our families, our faith and our tax dollars to pious frauds masquerading as agents of compassion. We will cling to our God and our guns and our belief that it takes a family to raise a child, not a village. Sarah Palin personifies that once-sleeping giant as she shares our faith, our goals and our vision of the American Dream. And just as she is fearless and natural in expressing her beliefs and her faith in America, so will we have faith and see through the illusions cast by the dying media and its leftist candidates in the attempt to shake our faith in someone so like us. And so right. Welcome to the Suburban League.

Terrorist Math

While the Israelis are considering winding down “Operation Cast Lead” after administering considerable punishment to Hamas and its supporters in Gaza, the terror group’s political chief, Khaled Mashaal, while safely ensconced out of sight in Syria,
rejected Israeli conditions for a cease-fire and demanded an immediate opening of the besieged territory's borders."We will not accept Israel's conditions for a cease-fire," Mashaal told the summit. He said Hamas demands that "the aggression stop," Israeli troops withdraw and crossings into Gaza open immediately.( http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D95OA7I80&show_article=1). (http://images.google.com/images?sourceid=navclient&rlz=1T4RNWE_enUS308US308&q=khaled+mashaal+photo&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&resnum=1&ct=title).In the Bizarro-world inhabited by the terrorists, it’s apparently kosher to make demands from a position of total weakness. The latest casualty count provided by Gazan health officials indicates that the Palestinians have suffered over 1100 killed, the majority of them militants. The Israelis, who are now supposed to accede to the demands of Mr. Meshaal, have lost 13 men. Who teaches the math in the Madrassas, Professor Irwin Corey? According to this Iranian math, once the Israeli losses move higher than 15, Meshaal will be able to declare victory.Of course Khaled Meshaal is a long way from the front lines in Gaza. As comedian Redd Foxx once remarked about his own less-than-distinguished military career:“I backed up so far in one battle that I almost backed into a general.”But then Meshaal has good reason to cower far from the battling crowd while barking his belligerent and blithering demands. Upwardly mobile terrorists in Israel’s Middle Eastern neighborhood have a tendency to attract incoming projectiles and considerable attention from the very skillful agents of the Mossad. While Meshaal was based in Jordan, Mossad agents snuck into Amman with Canadian passports and were able to slip deadly poison into the terrorist’s ear. Unfortunately the agents were apprehended and after some urgent diplomacy, the Israelis were prevailed upon to provide the antidote and the terrorist math-whiz was able to recover(http://english.aljazeera.net/news/middleeast/2008/04/20086150590183653.html.)
Rumor has it, Hassan Nasrullah, the leader of Hezbollah, suffered a similar poisoning early this year (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hassan_Nasrallah.) The fact that Nasrullah serves as the Tweedle-Jamal to Khaled Meshaal’s Tweedle-Jamil combined with the fact that both of them are hiding in the folds of Assad’s skirts in Damascus, raises the possibility that they might even be roommates. (http://www.daylife.com/photo/0cqn0uy3TH49E/Hassan_Nasrallah).In any case, both terror-masters demonstrate the mullah’s approach to mathematics and share the propensity to make outrageous demands from the comfort of their hidey-holes. The bravado would be a little easier to stomach if the terrorist’s demands were made in the light of day.

Obama's Version of Camelot

(This article originally appeared in The American Thinker)
President-elect Barack Obama, in the midst of a luxurious respite from the grueling schedule he maintained over the interminable 2008 campaign, enjoyed a round of golf Sunday at the Olomana Golf Club near Waikiki. While his score wasn't reported, it comes as no surprise that Obama is a lefty. Jeff Zeleny of the NYT reported:
As his foursome stopped at the halfway house for a snack, the President-elect generously offered the pool reporters lounging nearby a beer, which surprisingly was declined. Displaying a healthy appetite, Obama ordered a couple of hot dogs with cokes and orange passion drinks and an interesting local treat:
The spam musubi, a local luncheon specialty, consists of spam and a fried egg on a bed of rice, all held together with a dried seaweed wrap. (Visualize a very big sushi role, slightly larger than a Hostess Ho Ho.)
Growing up in Hawaii, Mr. Obama is quite familiar with the local delicacies and will likely request that some Hawaiian staples be made available by the White House kitchen staff.
Hawaiians consume more SPAM per capita than the residents of any other state in the union, effectively downing 16 tins annually of the dish some claim to be an acronym meaning "Something Posing as Meat." The dish was introduced to the Islands in WWII by the military men stationed there who derisively referred to the meat as "Ham that didn't pass the physical" or "meatloaf without basic training." The Hormel company product has become so popular in Polynesia that it is offered on the menu at both Burger King and McDonald's and is popularly known as The Hawaiian Steak. The native penchant for the high sodium, high-in-saturated fat treat is celebrated annually in the Spam Jam held in Waikiki the last week of April.
As the Administration-elect rounds into form, many media pundits stretch to find similarities between the storied Kennedy administration & coterie which came to be known as Camelot. Perhaps the Obama administration and its hangers-on will appropriately be viewed as Spamalot.