The Chairman of the powerful House Ways and Means committee has hired a forensic accountant to help untangle the web of artifice the Congressman has submitted for the past 10 years in lieu of legitimate tax returns. It seems Mr. Rangel will need a forensic property manager to help him sort out his rent-controlled apartments from what he thought was a tax-free condo rental down in the Carribean. Just last Friday Mr. Rangel wrote a check from his forsensic bank account for $10,800 to cover some "oversights" on his tax returns. Continuing a tradition well established by previous Ways & Means Chairmen, the current occupant of the Adam Clayton Powell chair of Creative Congressional Accounting, Charlie has little hope of pleading ignorance of the tax code, as the committee he chairs writes and interprets that code.
The tarp is removed from Charlie Rangel's unlicensed, unregistered, illegally parked Mercedes. The sergeant-at-arms for the House has called on a forensic tow-truck to cart off Rangel's vehicular baggage. Therefore it is expected that Congressman Rangel will hire a forensic psychologist to help determine whether an insanity plea is possible concerning these tax matters. The psychologist expects to use testimony from Vice President Dick Cheney in 2005: "Charlie's (comments) were so out of line... Charlie is losing it, I guess. "
Random video clips from just about any interview with the Congressman from Harlem will serve just as well. Whether waxing eloquent about Mississippi when attempting to re-direct Congressional earmarks to New York, describing Sarah Palin as "disabled," or offering to set up a forensic Selective Service System to re-institute the draft, Congressman Rangel clearly does appear to be crazier than a rat in a coffee can.
All this came up after the Suzerain of Ways and Means thought he had cleared up all that mess about illegal use of Congressional letterhead to solicit donations. Mr. Rangel promptly hired a forsenic stationer to produce new letterhead on the right side of the Congressional code of honor. Although the bar for that code was set lower than a limbo contest bar, still Congressman Rangel couldn't or perhaps wouldn't abide.
Perhaps the office assigned to the Chairman of the storied Ways and Means committee should be investigated by a forensic fumigator. There must be something in that office affecting the sensibility of those assigned it. The men who have been selected to serve in this powerful position seem to wander off into the giggleweeds once the power of the office goes to their pretty little heads. Democrat Dan Rostenkowski was a fine Chairmen until he got thrown in jail for stealing stamps. Prior to the mighty Rostenkowski, Democrat Wilbur Mills got enamored of an Argentinian stripper, and flushed his long and storied career down the loo.
And now Chairmen Charlie is going all forensic on us. A master of procedural obsfucation and a hero to his Harlem constituents, he is certain to be re-elected to the seat he actually won from Adam Clayton Powell no matter what crimes he commits. Rangel's response to all the legal fol-de-rol will be defense by Delays and Means.
An interested public awaits the results of all the investigative activity dogging Congressman Rangel. So far, no word over whether the New York Times has recalled from Alaska a couple of forensic journalists to get to the bottom of Rangel's persuasive evasion.